This may be a very bad idea but I feel the need to be more honest about my process. What do I get by being honest? hopefully I can help someone, maybe sharing will do all the talking for me, and I find that it is also very therapeutic, enter: Island Dreams.
Photo: Federica Dall’orso Photography
As I finished Fall 19 I am Lola collection I was going through a process of reinvention. As a result I had to really step outside my comfort zone and re-evaluate what I was doing over and over and wasn’t working, over over. Insanity anyone?
I had to walk away from business relationships and try new things some of which did not work. Not going to sit here and tell you that when something didn’t work I immediately said “holy mother of God THIS is a blessing”! nope. I cried. told my husband I felt like a failure. embarrassment was inevitable. and I had doubts. Doubts about the decisions I had made and that in my then opinion got me feeling like crap. Interestingly enough, I even entertained the thought of “who cares if it wasn’t really working, at least it was familiar”. I am no shrink ladies and gentlemen but something tells me this ain’t normal.
Due to me walking away from certain situations, stores who once celebrated me were now not taking my call. They were not responding to emails. I had doubts. Don’t know why but the universe has a way to literally grab me by the teeth as I get ready to sink.
While all of this was happening, I found myself talking with one of my good friends and sharing everything as it was happening. She didn’t ask any questions – she just listened and then said “what makes you happy”? I didn’t have an answer but this got me thinking.
I journaled “happiness” and all the memories, all the dreams, everything I would become that I once dreamed of came from the island. From as early as I can remember, I would close my eyes and I would imagine me in a world of unapologetically pursuing whatever it is my heart desired. How could I go back to that?
By bringing back the little girl that once had so many dreams and who didn’t care if these dreams were approved by others. They were my dreams and I was going to make them my reality.
Island Dreams – Spring 2020
Photo: Myke Yeager